The sun sets over another year. I am spending New Year's Eve in a bohemian cafe listening to reggae, and re-vamping my blog (which I have ignored for most of this year.) In LA, the trees are only now beginning to change color. I find fallen Japanese Maple leaves mimicing sunsets on cracked sidewalks.

It is chilly in LA-- not freezing like New York would be, but still surprisingly cold, especially when I have to run to the bathroom in the middle of the night. I have spent most of my Christmas break either in bed catching up on lazy reading or rewatching the trials and tribulations of Meredith Grey. It is a welcome respite from the stress of grad school.

2009 stretches ahead of me, merely five hours away, and unlike many years that have gone by, there is no expectation of the new, of the overnight cure, no grand plans. 2008 was filled with so much unknowable, unbearable things-- and perhaps the inside of me understands this, and holds still in stasis, knowing that the most important thing is the healing.

I have walked into many darknesses, come face to face with my own fear, my anger, my sadness. I sound melodramatic yes? But it is true. It is the truest thing about this damn year. There have been many people along the way who have stood by me, who have suspended judgment and instead extended a hand out of pure compassion and kindness. They know who they are, and to them I will be forever grateful and loyal.

All I can say for 2008 is this: I am still here. Despite everything, I am still here. And the learning continues.

Happy New Year everyone, thanks for still reading.